if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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