I wish my penis had an off switch
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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