my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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