Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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