I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Screwed.edu
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
