Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
