Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there's paper in my vomit.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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