This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
