just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
The power of my boobs compel you
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
