Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
