So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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