I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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