I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
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