K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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