We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
