I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Randomize
