last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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