My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
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