Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Randomize
