I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
This is my gift to your gina
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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