I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
