Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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