I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
