Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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