She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
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