It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
