There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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