Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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