How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
