Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
