Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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