you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
