this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
