If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
