see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
