I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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