Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
