why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
