my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
my phone needs a breathalizer
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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