remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
