During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize