I wanna passion pit in your ass
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
