Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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