This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
He felt like a one man threesome
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
