This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Randomize
