I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
