Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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