He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
