I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize