This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
