I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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