you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
