Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
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