Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I am midnight drunk by noon
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
