Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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