If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
