Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
