Just cropdusted the office
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
