what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
