My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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