Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I came so hard my ears popped.
Randomize
