Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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