I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
