Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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