i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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