she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
you traded sex for a burrito?
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Also, beer. Big fan.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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