Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
