and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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