I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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