The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
