I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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