Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
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