i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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