Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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