Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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