You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
