Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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