Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
