How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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