woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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