I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
