the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Randomize
