Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
