Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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