Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
