can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
