thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
