I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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