I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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